Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
