Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
