Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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