The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
well you can't waste a boner
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
