There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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