I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
