Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
