I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
