I can't breathe out the right side of my face
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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