it was like having sex with a tree stump
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
