weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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