i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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