dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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