My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
