I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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