someone get that fucking seahorse.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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