wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
