i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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