Welp...herpes.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
