i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
