you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Still dying that you shit outside
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
