White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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