I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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