She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
