You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
