I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It's just like the Real World with babies
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize