Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
