mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
