yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
