Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Welp...herpes.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
