You really coming over, don't trick.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
