I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
