I don't usually arrange sex via text message
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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