how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
