my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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