is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
