Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
