I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
