So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
