I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
