The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
