the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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