ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
