so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
