I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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