At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
