i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
