I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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