True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
