Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
